Thank you for reading this Operation Melt blog update.
Operation Melt provides engaging, practical content and hands-on coaching to inspire, motivate and equip you to achieve your big goals.
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Amuse Bouche
My amuse bouche for you today is a light “dad joke” to entertain your mind before we get down to business. Like any other amuse bouche, you may hate it, but it is worth every penny that you paid for it, right?
Friend: It’s called cauliflower, not ghost broccoli.
Me: Listen kid, I know what I saw.
Goal Success by Choice
Do you have dreams that you are trying to make come true? Do you have a goal that you are trying to crush? Success doesn’t happen by chance. You don’t have to get lucky or win the lottery to live the life of your dreams.
You just have to choose to be successful. If you make the right daily choices, adopt good habits and behaviors, and approach life with the right mindset, you can make your dreams come true.
Goal Success by Choice helps you make the choices that will move you closer to your goals and keep you from holding yourself back.
I hope this post helps you get a little closer to crushing your goals.
Are You Being Haunted?
“I love having my ghosts, and I love having my memories.”
Debbie Reynolds
Do you have any scars?
I have my fair share of scars that take many forms. If you look closely, I have a mark in the middle of my forehead from an incident from my early childhood.
I was at a Cub Scouts meeting and was playing with the other kids after the meeting. We were playing with a dog chain held by another kid and me at opposite ends, and we were taking turns shaking the chain and making a wave go down the chain to the other end. Then the other kid would do the same.
When it was my turn, the other kid let go of his end of the chain. His end came flying back at me, hit me in the forehead, and blood was everywhere.
I, fortunately, did not need stitches and never have, but I did end up with a small scar in the middle of my forehead.
Ghosts
My incident with the dog chain didn’t just leave a mark on my head; it also caused me to distrust playing with other kids for a while. Needless to say, since this incident has stuck with me for more than thirty years, it made its mark on me. (#PunsRule)
Why was this incident so impactful? Because scars are more than physical marks on our bodies.
Scars are ghosts of the past that still haunt us today.
Whether our scars are physical, mental or emotional, they remind us of some trauma from our past. The more significant the trauma, the bigger the resulting scar. Some of these ghosts can haunt us for the rest of our lives.
For example, suppose you survived and escaped poverty. The memories of this past trauma will likely impact your relationship with money for the rest of your life. Other traumas can cause many different issues, including preventing you from developing healthy, trusting relationships.
All scars are created by trauma, but this doesn’t mean that it was a negative event. Several positive events in life are still traumatic and can result in some form of scars. For example, childbirth can result in various types of scars. Similarly, successfully defeating cancer can leave many physical and emotional scars but is a positive accomplishment in life.
My Big Scar
I have also developed a big scar from a positive life event.
After forty years of being significantly overweight, I lost over 130 pounds in under two years. This sudden change in the size of my body resulted in an unexpected physical side-effect. A scar of sorts.
My skin is still the skin of a three-hundred-pound person. Some areas of my skin did contract to match my new size, and the addition of muscle filled out some areas to offset the skin. But, there are places where this did not happen. In my biggest “problem areas” from my old body, I still have excess skin that has some fat attached. This is mostly in my stomach, chest and lower abdomen areas.
What’s the impact of having this scar? Primarily, my body doesn’t look like the fit, muscular person I am today. Plus, there are a few other physical and emotional effects of my scar.
- The ab muscles I have developed under my skin don’t show, and some of my other muscle growth is obstructed. (see Shoulding all over my happiness)
- Running with the excess skin can become uncomfortable, so I wear a base layer of compression gear.
- The all-so-important number on the scale is skewed by as much as ten or twenty pounds.
- I am still self-conscious about my body despite all of the hard work I have put in. I will not be the shirtless, confident guy crossing the finish line at the end of a run.
The worst part about my scar is that it fuels my lying eyes (see Our Lying Eyes).
Like most scars, my weight loss scar will never go away on its own. I will need to learn to live with my scar every day.
Living With A Ghost
Your scars are ghosts that haunt you every day, so how do you deal with that? You really have three options, and at least one of them ain’t pretty.
Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.
The first option you have when it comes to your scars is to let them control you. This is the most unpleasant way to deal with a ghost.
Living in a state of perpetual self-consciousness about your scars is draining. You will always be worried that somebody is looking at the scar. You may make frequent self-limiting decisions about how you live your life, like constantly trying to hide or cover up the scars.
If you constantly let your ghosts control your life, you will stay trapped in the past, and the ghosts win. There are better ways to deal with ghosts.
I Ain’t Afraid of No Ghost
The other choice you can make about your ghost is to stop being afraid and make peace with it.
Your scars are you, and you are your scars.
We are all different, and we have had different experiences throughout our lives. Our scars are reminders of our story. Making peace with your scars and embracing them as part of who you are is a great way to relax and honor your past.
The same strategies I described in Your Lying Eyes can be applied to wrestle your power back from your scars:
- Pivot to focusing on the facts – is your scar really as big as you think it is?
- Reflect on your journey – what have you learned, and was the scar worth it?
- Embrace gratitude – what part of the scar are you most grateful for?
- Talk to others – how do they see your scar, and what scars are they managing?
Limiting your fixation on your scars helps you have power over your ghosts. You don’t have to actively put your scars on display, but don’t be afraid to have somebody see them. When somebody sees your scar, it is just another chance to tell your story.
Giving your ghost a little love may be just what it needs to cross over to the other side and stop haunting you.
Who You Gonna Call?
Not all ghosts are friendly ghosts. Sometimes our scars are a little too much, and we need some help. We may need to call in the Ghostbusters to help exorcise our ghosts.
Whether physical, mental or emotional, most scars can be reduced, reengineered or eliminated by trained professionals (therapists, coaches, surgeons, etc.). This work takes time and could be a little traumatic itself. But, this additional one-time trauma may be just what you need to help you escape a lifetime of haunting.
Above all else, your happiness should be your top priority. If your ghosts are getting the better of you, it may be time to seek some help. Don’t let the ghosts of the past steal your happiness today.
So What?
Are you being haunted by ghosts from your past? Whether physical, mental or emotional, our scars are ghosts that can stick with us for our whole life. But, you don’t have to live in fear of every ghost. You can make some choices, so they don’t steal your happiness.
Are you looking for a partner to help you look past your ghosts to your next big goal? Let me help.
Click Here to learn more about my Operation Melt coaching services.
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