Do you have dreams that you are trying to make come true? Do you have a goal that you are trying to crush? Success doesn’t happen by chance. You don’t have to get lucky or win the lottery to live the life of your dreams.
Success is a choice; really, a series of choices.
By making the right daily choices, adopting good habits and behaviors, and approaching life with the right mindset, you can make your own dreams come true. You will be unstoppable!
Goal Success by Choice helps you make the choices that will move you closer to your goals and keep you from holding yourself back.
I hope this post helps you get a little closer to crushing your goals.
Amuse Bouche
Before we get to today’s post, I offer you this light “amuse-bouche” to entertain your mind before we get down to business. Like any other amuse-bouche, you may hate my “dad joke,” but it is worth every penny that you paid for it, right?
A farmer friend of mine recently bought a new cow and then learned she won’t give milk. He is upset that he bought a milk dud. What an udder failure!
But, Why?
He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.
Friedrich Nietzsche
Assuming you have followed along over the past two weeks, you have made major progress with your goals. You started by examining the current reality of where you are and are unsatisfied with your life today (see Feeling Left Out?). After you figured out where you could use a little happiness boost, you leveraged my ABCD approach to explore some alternatives. You determine your one or two biggest goals for your life (see What Do You Want?). You have made all of this progress with concrete goals in the same amount of time it took most New Years Resolutions to fail. Great work!
I know you are excited to get started chasing those goals; I am excited for you too. But, like the New Years Resolutions crowd is discovering, that excitement alone probably won’t carry you through to the finish line. You will have many ups and downs, and there will be challenges along the way.
If you want to stay the course, overcome the setbacks and achieve your big goals, you are going to need a little more than the excitement of a new goal to carry you to the finish line. You will need to figure out your “why” behind those goals.
Having a big enough reason why your goal is important is the best way to enlist your brain as an ally in your journey instead of a potential saboteur.
Choosing to spend some time figuring out your “why” could make a life or death difference for your goal.
Blame It On The Brain
Who else just thought of Milli Vanilli?
Let’s think about our brains for a minute – very meta, right?
Our brains are very complex and not well-understood despite decades of neuroscience. But, we do know that our brains are at the center of everything we think, say and do. When you succeed with your goals, you can thank your brain. When you fail with your goals, you can blame your brain. So, it is important to know enough about your brain to get the results you want.
One popular theory is that our brains have three layers of cognitive processing.
The most basic layer is sometimes called your “lizard” or “reptilian” brain. It is pretty ancient and functions the same as a lizard’s brain. The lizard brain is focused on all of the physiological functions that your brain regulates. These functions include things like regulating body temperature, blood glucose and the like. While essential to our survival, this part of the brain isn’t super relevant to our goals discussions.
The second layer of your brain is the emotional layer, called the limbic system. This part of your brain is responsible for fear, arousal, happiness and the many other emotional responses inherent to each of us. This part of your brain is significantly more developed than a lizard’s brain. Still, it is similar to other mammals who have emotional responses, fear being the most prevalent.
The final layer of our brains, the one that is the most human, is our thinking brain or our neocortex. This area of our brain is the big computer where all of our higher cognitive functions are performed. This is where we make value judgments and is the source of our thoughts and much of our stored memory.
Each of these layers of your brain interacts with the other layers. For example, research has shown that feelings of hunger (lizard brain) make harsher value judgments of other people (neocortex). When you feel fear or anxiety (limbic system), your heart rate and blood pressure increase (lizard brain). All parts of your brain work together as one system.
But, sometimes, the various layers of your brain can undermine the others. Imagine you have created a goal to go to the gym every day to build a stronger, healthier body. This goal was set in your neocortex or your thinking brain. But, your limbic system, the emotional brain, knows what feels good. So, you decide to sleep in, stay in your comfy clothes and watch a bottomless feed of cat videos on your iPad.
Very often, our biggest goals fail because our emotional brain undermines them. Discomfort, fear, imposter syndrome and many other feelings from your limbic system tend to overrule your thinking brain. But, it doesn’t have to be this way. You can hack your brain and use it to help, not undermine your success.
By engraining your goal into your limbic system in addition to your neocortex, it will be harder for your brain to undermine your goal success.
How do you do this?
You will need to build an emotional attachment to your goal. Having a big enough reason why you want your goal will make it a priority for your limbic system. This means that your emotional brain will work in partnership with your thinking brain to make your goal happen.
Your goal needs to be a MUST HAVE instead of just being another halfhearted, nice-to-have, “should” in your life. Only when it is something that you crave with all of your emotional self will your brain stay the course when times get tough.
Let’s take some steps right now to make this happen.
Why? Why? Why? Why?
Have you ever spent time with a small child who loves to ask “why?” You tell them something, and they ask “why.” Then you explain why and they ask “why” about your explanation. This exercise can go on and on until you stop it or totally lose your mind, right? It gets a little frustrating after a while, right? But, hang on, maybe frustration isn’t the right answer here.
We can learn something from a child repeatedly asking “why” about something. This same approach can be a powerful tool inside your own brain. By continuing to ask yourself why you want your goal until you get to the deep, root reason behind it, you can have a “why” that is big enough to make your goal a MUST HAVE.
This exercise will require some more quiet, alone time with lots of introspection, but it will be worth it.
Let’s say, for example, that you have a goal of losing weight. That’s a pretty common goal this time of the year, right? It is time to ask yourself the first “why” question.
Why do you want to lose weight?
After a bit of introspection, answer this question. But, be prepared because your first answer may not be deep enough. It might be something like, “I am overweight and want to get back down to the size I was ten years ago.” That’s a good start, but you aren’t there yet. Time for the second why…
Why do you want to get back to the size you were ten years ago?
Your next answer will get you closer but may not be there yet. Maybe you are going to say something like, “I have a lot of clothes from that time that I have kept and can’t fit into, so it would be like having a new, free wardrobe.” Again, that’s a pretty impressive reason, but still pretty surface level. It is about physical things instead of emotional drivers. So, it’s time for another round…
Why is it important for you to fit into these old clothes and have this new wardrobe?
Every why that you ask is like peeling another layer of an onion. This is likely the first “why” question that started you thinking about the emotional side. Your limbic system is beginning to listen. Perhaps, the reason that it is important to fit in these old clothes is that you put on a lot of weight a few years ago after some negative event happened in your life (breakup, job loss, etc.). Now you want to correct what you perceive as a failure. As I said, we are going deep with this exercise because your “why” has to be big enough and authentic. I bet you can predict what question you will need to ask yourself next, right?
Why do you feel like you need to correct the mistake of putting on the weight?
I think we are about to hit paydirt here! After some serious introspection, you have your ah-ha moment when answering this question. You tell yourself that you have never felt comfortable in your body and weren’t happy with how you look. When you put on that extra weight, it just made the problem worse and impacted your self-confidence. You want to get that back.
Wow, pretty deep, right?
Eureka! Now Let’s Bring it Home!
Let’s ask one more “why” question and see if we are there.
Why do you want to lose weight?
You want to lose weight because you want to rebuild the self-confidence that you have lost after gaining weight. If you can be confident with who you are, you will be able to live happily in your own skin.
I think that’s a pretty solid why for your goal! I am not saying that this answer is right or wrong, good or bad; that’s not how this works. I am saying that this is the kind of emotional connection that you will need when times get tough through your journey.
When you are tempted to give up or to prioritize something else over your big goal, remember your why. Remember how you want to feel with your new confidence and happiness. That should help you make a choice to keep chasing that goal. If not, maybe there is another “why” question to be asked!
So What?
After you have figured out your one or two big life goals, the next step is to ask why. By figuring out why your goals are important, you can enlist your brain as an ally in your journey. But, your why has to be big enough to form the emotional connection; otherwise, your brain will take the easy way out when times get tough. To get to that emotional connection, you will need to unleash your inner toddler. It’s time to ask yourself some questions.
Need a little help with building a big enough why for your goals? I am here for you.
Click Here to learn more about my Operation Melt coaching services.
Beware of the Robots!
Was this post helpful or interesting to you? Do you want to read more? Don’t trust it to the social media algorithms.
Defeat the robots by joining my email list below and get these posts delivered directly to your inbox every week.
