In Ask Coach Tony, you can put my Operation Melt coaching to the test by asking me questions about how to achieve your goals.
Because a question asked by one is often a question had by many, I am regularly sharing these answers via the Operation Melt blog.
Are you ready for a dad joke?
I offer you this "dad joke" as a light "amuse-bouche" to entertain your mind before we get serious. My dad joke may be groan-worthy, but it's worth every penny you paid for it, right?
I bought a thesaurus and discovered all the pages were completely blank. I have no words for how angry I am!
Be a Better Leader: How Not To Be A Jerk
Do you want to be a better leader… maybe even a better human?
Leadership doesn’t mean you have to manage a big team in a corporate environment. You can be a leader every day in every part of your life. But you can’t be a good leader and be a jerk.
In 2022, I released my second book, Reflections on Leadership. This book shares lessons I have learned from good and bad leaders during thirty years of paying attention. In the first section of the book (Leaders Are People First), I dedicated three chapters to some of the jerklike behaviors I have disappointingly observed in bad leaders throughout my career.
Over the past few weeks, I have witnessed and heard stories of an uptick in jerkish behaviors directed at one of the hardest-working groups of people you’ll ever know. Servers, bartenders and baristas work hard, struggle to make ends meet using tips and receive more than their fair share of abuse.
The increased abuse directed to servers inspired me to revisit Reflections on Leadership and share an excerpt with you today.
John Wayne: Life & Leadership Coach
John Wayne is credited with one of my favorite quotes:
“Life is tough, but it’s tougher if you’re stupid.”
Let’s revise this quote a little for you leaders out there:
“Leadership is tough, but it’s tougher if you’re a jerk!”
Leaders constantly send messages to those around them; their behavior speaks louder than words. If your behavior as a leader tells others, “Hey, I’m a jerk,” you will make it harder for others to respect you, and poor results will follow.
But you have a choice. Through a few simple daily choices, you can send the message that you are a great leader!
You may notice that many of these are things that apply outside of work, and that is important. The saying goes that character is what we do when nobody is watching. Maybe leadership character is what we do when we aren’t trying to be a leader.
Do Unto Others…
The focus of How Not to Be a Jerk is about how you treat others, especially when they have nothing to offer you.
Treat others as equals.
You are an amazing person, but so is the person next to you. The quickest route to Jerkville is treating a fellow human poorly because you believe yourself superior. The most important step to avoid being a jerk is to practice the Golden Rule – treat others how you want to be treated.
Tell your barista good morning.
Imagine walking into your favorite neighborhood coffee shop early one morning on your way to work. Your barista greets you by saying, “Good morning! How are you this morning?” Your response to this question is, “I’ll have a large latte,” or something similar.
This is one of my biggest pet peeves – very jerkish behavior.
You are talking to a human being who was up way earlier than you, who wants to give you a positive experience, and you failed to acknowledge her as a human being. Pause for a minute, say good morning, smile back and show some warmth to a fellow human being.
Tip well for service, and tip very well for great service.
Imagine a job where you are on your feet all day, catering to people’s whims, making less than “minimum” wage and relying on the generosity of customers for your survival. This is the life of a server. It is difficult and often thankless work, usually done with a smile. Being a jerk doesn’t make your server’s life easier.
Do your part and tip generously, especially for over-the-top service. What about lackluster service? Don’t punish your server with a matching lackluster tip; the problem was likely out of your server’s control. Just think of it as paying it forward and helping to change somebody’s bad day.
Call To Action
Make life as a leader and the life of your followers a little easier by actively taking steps to not be a jerk. These steps start with how you think about and treat the people around you. If you treat everyone as equals and look for ways to get to know and be of service to them, you set the stage for next-level leadership.
Do you need some help figuring out how to be the leader you aspire to be? I am a certified coach and have been helping leaders improve for over a decade. I would be honored to be your partner in becoming the best, non-jerk leader you can be. Let’s get started!
Oh, and please consider buying a copy of Reflections on Leadership.
I believe in you; let me help YOU believe in you!
Meet Coach Tony
My name is Coach Tony, and I am a coach, author and project manager on a mission. I am working to build a world where no goal ever dies of loneliness.
I almost allowed one of my biggest life goals to die without ever being attempted for forty years. My goal almost died, not of failure but of loneliness. But, I took a risk and leveraged a simple, logical process that helped me wildly exceed my goal.
I transformed my life, and you can do the same with the help of Operation Melt.
Operation Melt provides engaging, practical content and hands-on coaching to inspire, motivate and equip project managers and other left-brained high-achievers to pursue and accomplish their biggest goals.
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