Are you choosing to live a happy, fulfilled life?
That’s right, studies have proven that ninety percent of the factors that make the difference between a happy life and an unhappy life are factors within your control. One life hack proven to help unlock your best life is setting, pursuing, and achieving goals.
Yes, you can choose a happy life, but don’t take my word for it! Here’s an example of how other people – people just like you – are choosing to achieve happiness through their goals.
Are you ready for a dad joke?
I offer you this "dad joke" as a light "amuse-bouche" to entertain your mind before we get serious. My dad joke may be groan-worthy, but it's worth every penny you paid for it, right?
A sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve sandwiches here." The sandwich replies, "That's ok, I'm not hungry."
How Colossal Tragedy Led Bridget To An Unexpected Life Pivot (Interview)
Welcome to this week’s Interview with a Goal-Crusher. In these interviews, I sit down with someone accomplishing big things by setting and achieving their goals to learn their secrets. Then I share those secrets with you. It’s like free mentoring from someone already on the road to success. Who doesn’t want that?!
Life can change in an instant.
One minute, your life is stable, predictable, and maybe even comfortable. The next minute, something unexpected happens that upends the life you expected to have. Perhaps you get a terrible diagnosis like Patti (see From Diagnosis To Victory: Patti’s Journey To Beating Cancer And Crushing Goals). Maybe you find out your job is ending like Sarah did (see How Sarah’s Scary Layoff Became A Personal Growth Triumph). You could discover you’re having a baby like Rachel (see Daring To Navigate Life’s Unexpected Twists and Turns with Openness).
No matter the source of the unexpected event, one thing is for sure: your life is suddenly different, and it wasn’t by choice.
Bridget is a good friend of my wife and mine and one of the strongest and most empathetic people I know. She had built a stable, comfortable life. Despite facing more than her fair share of adversity, she had built a happy life with her husband and daughter. She was excelling in her long-term career in the insurance industry. Plus, she was close with her older brother, Bret, and younger sister, Brittany.
Then, in one minute, her life changed. As she returned home one evening, she was greeted by two Columbus Police homicide detectives who shared tragic news.
Bridget’s older brother, Bret, was murdered as a result of someone’s road rage on a busy rush hour freeway in downtown Columbus. There was no denying it; Bridget’s life was forever changed.
Today’s Interview with a Goal-Crusher will share Bridget’s story of how this tragic event led to a radical pivot from the life and goals she had created. Now, as she navigates her grief and healing process, she is a crusader for justice for Bret while simultaneously keeping his legacy alive through a sudden career and goal pivot.
I hope Bridget’s story will inspire you to live each day to the fullest because life can change in an instant. Moreover, I hope she will remind you that you are stronger than you think and motivate you to chase even your scariest goals.
Please introduce yourself and tell my readers about you and what you do.
My name is Bridget. However, I am often mistaken for my sister Brittany. Being a middle child meant being called by my younger sister’s name sometimes while growing up. While I have traditionally answered to either name, I’ve only recently been correcting people.
Weirdly, after Bret’s death, I now feel a need to confirm that I am Bridget Bennett Norris. Norris is my married name and is very important to me. However, I have recently reintroduced my maiden name, Bennett. Being my family name and my son’s name, Bennett represents so much more significance to me now.
What do I do? I continually try to make the best out of what I have. Sometimes, I succeed, and sometimes, I have to work harder to feel like I’m doing my best.
I am a wife and mother.
I am a sister.
I am a friend.
I am the owner and operator of Village Cigars in German Village in Columbus – the business my brother owned when he was murdered.
I am also an advocate for justice for my brother, which is a long, slow process.
Can you please share the story of Bret’s murder and how you have pivoted your life since then? What was your goal with this pivot?
On Friday, 11/10/2023, Bret was driving during rush hour traffic at 5 pm and was smoking a cigar.
In a matter of minutes, he was chased, harassed, and then murdered by an individual who then fled the scene (and surrendered to police a few days later) as Bret wrecked his vehicle and was dying from a gunshot wound to the chest.
These events meant I had no choice but to pivot my life in many ways. Whenever we lose someone we love, our life dramatically changes. We work to find a new normal without their presence and try to treasure the memories as we create more positive times in their honor.
What I now know from this loss of Bret is the shock was similar to my father – abrupt, disorienting, overwhelming, exhausting. However, a homicide loss adds a layer of anger, guilt, and despair. For months, I questioned myself about why I didn’t call my brother at the time he was driving or why my last text to him was about my mammogram the day before.
I also experienced symptoms of “survivor’s guilt.” I wondered why I wasn’t the one to be driving at that spot at that time. Why was I “the Bennett” now left to be the oldest?
Thankfully, I am, by nature, a strong-willed individual, so my initial goal became figuring out how to navigate my way through and forward in THE BEST, healthiest, most positive ways I could.
What was the first step you took to get started with your goal?
My first step was to do all those must-do things after the death of a loved one. I needed to notify family and friends, tend to Bret’s funeral and burial, and deal with anything the police needed from me.
Once I had handled those things, I needed to take care of myself. Like the safety talk in an airplane, I needed to put my oxygen mask on first if I was going to be able to help others.
Thankfully, the Columbus Police homicide detectives referred me to the STAR (Stress, Trauma, And Resilience) program at the OSU Wexner Trauma Recovery Center. In February, I started working with a therapist who specializes in dealing with traumatic loss, namely homicide. I began seeing her for individual therapy and eventually started also doing group therapy with others who have lost immediate loved ones to murder.
From there, my goal evolved to taking care of Bret’s legacy a little at a time – which continues today. My sister and I managed many aspects of tending to Bret’s estate, property, etc. This led me to take ownership of Village Cigars because I wasn’t going to let anything bad happen to Bret’s business. Ultimately, I decided to leave my “day” job in the insurance industry to operate the cigar shop full-time.
Finally, I am Bret’s advocate for every court appearance, hearing and legal requirement in the quest to hold his murderer accountable.
What were your biggest challenges in achieving your goals? How did you overcome them?
First off, there is no roadmap for dealing with grief and recovery from a traumatic loss. I do my best every day to be the person I want to be and to achieve the new normal I mentioned above. There are good days and bad days in this process. One day, I am laughing with my supportive friends and family; the next day, I am collecting my brother’s blood-stained belongings from the police property room.
All I can do is take it a day at a time, keep focused on being me, try to stay positive and make good choices. For example, I have given up drinking because it wasn’t helping me be who I wanted to be and made me feel even more panicked at times.
But it is hard because this tragedy is always there; no amount of closure magically makes it go away. Anyone who has lost someone they love knows that you never “get over” the death of your loved one. You learn to “get on” with life that is now permanently changed. There is never really a closure, or “getting over it,” because it has altered your reality. It also alters how others perceive you.
Second, taking over a business is always challenging. These challenges increase when you aren’t an expert in the product; I didn’t know cigars, but I am learning fast. Similarly, there are many loyal customers of the shop, each with their unique personalities, that I am getting to know. Plus, taking over a business after the owner’s sudden death presents other unique challenges, like getting access to his email, website, social media, and other accounts where only he knew the password.
Finally, justice moves slowly. It is even slower when dealing with high-stakes and highly visible cases such as Bret’s murder. Defense attorneys file continuances that slow the process. Judges change, and that slows the process. Today, more than a year after he was killed, Bret’s murderer has still not gone to trial and probably won’t until sometime next year.
What goal success tips and techniques have worked well for you that you would like to share with my readers?
I think it is important to remain grateful.
No matter how many bad things happen in our lives, there are also great times of triumph of love. Sometimes, focusing on the positive amidst so much negativity can be hard, but finding the good helps me stay motivated. I still work out and write dark poetry to relieve my stress.
Here’s a recent example of my poetry:
They tell you that at least you’re pretty,
with a tone that sounds like pity,
or maybe an awarding of a consolation prize.
For there’s unrecognizable pain in your eyes,
and lately you have no time to worry about your size.
Some tell you not to care what others think.
They don’t realize you often feel on the brink.
You quit caring about thoughts, just authentic feelings, a long time ago.
But, you had no clue what life would throw - to charge and heighten every part of you.
You keep doing what little you can,
Being a wife and mother, with a plan.
You’re getting accustomed to cleaning up the ashes,
After murders happen,
Babies perish,
People die,
Crowds watch,
and you turn into a roadside attraction.
All while people’s love quickly fades,
comes to light,
or just flashes…
I also continue to have a deep faith in God.
I know that there is a higher power bigger than me that is guiding me and strengthening me to keep doing the next good thing I can. My God may not be the traditional “old man in the sky,” but He is the ultimate source of love in all that is, including you and I. Remembering that we are all here to experience, learn, choose, love, get angry, and be, for a higher purpose, helps me move through the pain, tackle the next task, appreciate each connection, and make each moment count.
What is one big goal you are pursuing now?
Well, one big goal is to keep Village Cigars going. I want to continue making it a positive place for people to come together and purchase premium cigars.
I never imagined that I would own a cigar shop. But I also never thought I would evolve in my interest in property and casualty insurance, either. I also reflect on how Bret found joy and passion in the cigar world and the valued relationships he formed through this environment.
I want to continue to make sure that Village Cigars grows. Even if smoking is not your thing, I want you to know of Village Cigars as a positive place in the downtown community to promote to people you know who do enjoy quality, hand-rolled tobacco.
How can people learn more about you?
Stop into Village Cigars at 1044 S High Street; you’ll probably find me there.
There is no doubt that Bridget has shown tremendous strength as she has navigated this tragic situation. She didn’t expect to suddenly lose her brother and pivot to a very different life than she had planned. But that is what happened, and Bridget is doing her best to succeed with her new life every day. Some days are easier than others, but she keeps moving.
Bridget’s story isn’t my traditional goal-crusher interview, but it is worth sharing. Despite being a non-traditional goal success story, I hope the following two themes resonate with you.
You are strong! You are stronger than you think. Every one of us has a tremendous capacity to overcome adversity and achieve more than we ever thought possible. Don’t be scared to think big.
Stop waiting! Life is precious, fragile and temporary, so why not live it to its fullest? Many people have goals inside them, but they wait until some time in the future to take the plunge and try to achieve them. Unfortunately, you never know how many more future days you will have. One day, there won’t be more time in the future, and your unattempted goals will die, lonely inside you.
In this season of planning for next year (2025 is just around the corner), I hope you consider these two themes and go big in 2025!
You may be wondering if Bridget’s story embodied any of my traditional Project Manage Your Life strategies. Surprise: it did! Here are some highlights:
- Build a plan that works for you: when Bridget received this tragic news, she didn’t know all the steps that would unfold. The plan that worked for her was to take it one day at a time and to do her best with every step. With most goals in life, you won’t know the whole path when taking the first step. An iterative planning approach, like Bridget’s, will help you respond to the unknown. My coaching process leverages a “Sprinting to Success” phase to help you crush your goal one bite-sized step at a time.
- Don’t go it alone: throughout her journey, Bridget depended on support from others. From the homicide detectives to her therapist and friends and family, Bridget had help getting through the past year of recovery and transition.
- Enjoy the journey: Bridget explained that she continues to look for positivity daily. Her journey has included a lot of pain and negativity, but focusing on the good has been the best way for her to continue moving forward through the bad.
I hope Bridget’s story will inspire you and help you live every day to its fullest. Now, get out there and crush the goals that bring you happiness.
Are you looking for a partner to help? If my Project Manage Your Life techniques can work for Bridget as she navigates this tragedy, imagine how they will work for you. I am a certified master life coach and would be honored to help you keep your goals from dying of loneliness.
I believe in you; let me help YOU believe in you!
Meet Coach Tony
My name is Coach Tony, and I am a coach, author and project manager on a mission. I am working to build a world where no goal ever dies of loneliness.
I almost allowed one of my biggest life goals to die without ever being attempted for forty years. My goal almost died, not of failure but of loneliness. But, I took a risk and leveraged a simple, logical process that helped me wildly exceed my goal.
I transformed my life, and you can do the same with the help of Operation Melt.
Operation Melt provides engaging, practical content and hands-on coaching to inspire, motivate and equip project managers and other left-brained high-achievers to pursue and accomplish their biggest goals.
Breathe new life into your goals
Download my free ebook to learn how to create goals that actually work and get the jump-start you need in life!