Welcome to Ask Coach Tony!
This is your opportunity to get a taste of my Operation Melt coaching by asking me your most pressing questions about achieving your goals and personal growth.
Ask Coach Tony is where you’ll find answers, insights, and strategies to help you take actionable steps toward success – whether you’re just starting or looking to level up.
Ready for a dad joke?
Consider this a lighthearted amuse-bouche for your brain before we get serious. Sure, it might be groan-worthy—but hey, at least you’re getting your money’s worth, right? ????
Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion in France?
De-brie was everywhere!
Need a Pep Talk? This Person Knows Exactly What to Say (Spoiler: It’s You)
Last week, we talked about boldness. About showing up before you feel “ready.” About wearing the damn outfit … literally and metaphorically.
Next week, I’ll introduce you to Allison, a lawyer-turned-model who’s made a habit of challenging her self-doubt and going after what lights her up.
But this week?
Let’s talk about how to quiet the voice that says, “You can’t.”
And more importantly… how to replace it with one that says, “You’ve got this.”
This is one of my favorite mindset tools, a strategy I’ve used with clients for years, and one that helped Kate in Seasons of Transformation take her first real step toward change.
We all have an inner critic (a self-doubt monster) waiting to pounce at our most vulnerable moments. Whether we admit it or not, the negative self-talk from our inner critic hurts. It makes us feel like our successes are failures, and our goals are destined to fail and are out of reach. When we succumb to this self-talk, we may be tempted to give up and self-sabotage.
Real talk: your inner critic is an asshole… and a liar!
Fortunately, we have options to stop the critic in his tracks. In this post, I will share an exercise that can help provide the antidote for this venomous monster.
Why Is This Happening?
Most people discover there are times when their inner critic is pretty quiet and others when he/she is raging. You inner critic is usually most intrusive when you start living your life outside your comfort zone.
When you have a lot of new and uncomfortable things going on – a stretch job, growing side hustle, training for a race – your energy is focused on several big goals that all require you to keep growing. You are changing and challenging your natural stasis or status quo.
Your brain hates this.
Change triggers millions of years of evolution and your caveman brain appears.
Some of the primitive wiring in our brain causes it not to distinguish between taking on an uncomfortable assignment at work and walking out of our cave into the dark, sabretooth tiger-infested forest. All our brain knows is that it doesn’t know what’s around the next corner, so it wants to protect us from sudden extinction. I guess it is nice of our brains to try so hard to keep us alive, right?
Put simply: your brain doesn’t give a shit about your happiness, it just wants to keep you safe!
Your brain understands your comfort zone and sees everything else as a threat. Your brain tries to protect you by relying on the tools it has available, so, presto, negative self-talk.
Refocusing Your Brain
I want to talk about mediation for a minute as an analogy for managing your self-talk.
Many experts have studied, proven and written about the value of mediation.
Unfortunately, most beginners have a flawed understanding of how meditation works. They believe that meditation begins with clearing your mind of all thoughts. I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t work for me. Telling your brain not to think of anything at all is like telling your brain not to think about a yellow elephant.
Admit it; you are picturing a yellow elephant now, aren’t you?
Our brains do not obey us when we say “stop thinking,” so meditation relies on an alternate approach. Instead of telling your brain not to think of anything, meditation directs your brain to focus its energy on something else. This often starts by becoming hyper-aware of your breathing and then your body. Focusing specifically on the present moment redirects your brain’s energy away from your other racing thoughts.
Managing your negative self-talk works in a very similar fashion.
Changing The Conversation?
None of us can completely shut down our negative self-talk and inner critic. We can refocus the talk and change the conversation. Like the mediation example above, the quick path to managing your self-talk is by choosing what you say to yourself, especially where the inner critic most commonly makes his or her appearance.
Instead of being your own worst critic, you can choose to be your own best friend. Here’s how.
- What do I need to hear? Spend some time brainstorming your answer to an important question: what are three things I would like to have my best friend say to me when my inner critic starts being a jerk? These statements may be specific to something you are trying to accomplish or more general words of encouragement.
- Make it visible. Once you have identified the three things you need to hear, write them on an index card or PostIT note. Visibly place this note in the location where your inner critic seems to make his appearance the most. If your critic is loudest when you look in the mirror, hang it on your mirror.
- Be your own best friend. Each time you see your three-things card, read it to yourself, preferably out loud. Additionally, when you begin hearing the whisper of your inner critic, quickly refocus your brain by re-reading these statements.
- (Bonus Tip) Be Proactive: For an extra boost of BFF energy, don’t wait until life sucks to turn to your BFF note card. Proactively read your BFF statements to yourself each morning and start the day with a self-led pep talk.
The more often you read your three things, the more you will be your own best friend. Over time, your brain will focus more on these thoughts, and your inner critic will lose his power. This may quickly become your favorite habit.
Just remember, it is natural to have negative self-talk, and it is your brain’s way of keeping you from being eaten by some snarling predator. With the assistance of a powerful new habit, you can help teach your brain that your goals and happiness are not a vicious sabretooth tiger.
???? Your Turn
Here’s my challenge to you:
Try the BFF Exercise this week.
The next time your inner critic starts running its mouth, pause and imagine your best friend facing the exact same struggle.
What would you say to them?
Now, say it to yourself … write it down for future reference.
You might be surprised how kind, encouraging, and wise your inner BFF can be vs. your inner critic.
Want a System That Helps You Build Confidence One Step at a Time?
You are far less likely to believe your brain’s “you suck” messages when you undermine your inner critic’s credibility. A great way to do that is by becoming a goal-crusher with a scoreboard full of goal success wins you can look to when your inner critic is being a dick.
I have just the tool to help prove your inner critic wrong.
I’ve taken everything I use with my coaching clients and packaged it into a complete 3-part system:
???? Project Manage Your Life – the book that teaches my 6-step framework to help you manage any goal like a project.
???? Project Manage Your Life Workbook – the companion toolset with real planning templates, tracking pages, and coaching-style prompts to help you actually do the work.
???? Project Manage Your Life Coaching – personalized 1-on-1 support to help you stay accountable, navigate roadblocks, and actually live the system.
These tools are your roadmap, your structure, and your proof that you are a goal-crushing machine.
???? Get both books and learn more at OperationMelt.com/PMYL
✨ I believe in you. Let me help YOU believe in you!
Meet Coach Tony
Tony Weaver is a master life coach, technologist, consultant, writer, and founder of Operation Melt.
He helps project managers and other left-brained high-achievers pursue their biggest goals.
Through free resources, personalized coaching, and his proven Project Manage Your Life system, Tony empowers clients to move their dreams from “someday” to success — one step at a time.
Learn more about Project Manage Your Life, the system my clients and I use to crush our goals, at OperationMelt.com/PMYL/
Ready to Move Your Goals from Someday to Success?
Sign up for free access to exclusive resources, updates, and your FREE full copy of Project Manage Your Life … the proven system to achieve your biggest goals one step at a time.
