Welcome to the Bonus Mile… where we go beyond the usual path.
These posts are the extra effort, the unexpected insights, and the conversations that don’t fit into the standard routine but still deserve the spotlight. Whether it’s an AI interview, an off-schedule deep dive, or something completely unexpected, the Bonus Mile is where the good stuff happens.
Ready for a dad joke?
Consider this a lighthearted amuse-bouche for your brain before we get serious. Sure, it might be groan-worthy—but hey, at least you’re getting your money’s worth, right? 😆
My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work.
l asked her how she knew it was on It's way to work.
She hung up on me.
Bonus Mile: 5 Goal-Crushing Phrases That Make Me Cringe
Some phrases sound completely harmless. Encouraging, even. People say them with the best of intentions. Most of the time, they land just fine.
But when I hear them… I cringe. Not because the words are inherently wrong, but because my brain seems to lock in on the hidden messages they often carry. I hear the subtle, unintentional stories they tell about effort, worth, identity, and what it means to succeed.
Sometimes, it’s a message of minimization. Other times, it’s oversimplification or a quiet erosion of ownership. And sure, maybe I’m overthinking it. (Occupational hazard of being a coach and a word nerd.)
The way we talk, especially to ourselves, shapes how we think, what we believe, and whether we move forward or stay stuck.
So this month’s Bonus Mile isn’t just a rant (though it’s definitely that too). It’s a reflection. A look at five common phrases that rub me the wrong way… and a few alternatives that pack a more empowering punch.
AITA?
Before continuing, I want to share a disclaimer...
I do NOT judge anybody who says these phrases.
I DO take them with their intended kindness & support.
I DO still say them myself.
I'm NTA... I'm just sharing a fun little quark of my brain.
With that said… let’s dig in.
🏆 Phrase 1: “Congratulations”
Why it makes me cringe:
I know, I know… it sounds polite.
Positive.
Encouraging, even.
And that is exactly how it is intended.
But here’s the problem:
“Congratulations” often feels like something happened to you, not something you earned.
“Congratulations on your promotion.”
“Congratulations on the race.”
“Congratulations on the weight loss.”
It lands like I just won a scratch-off ticket instead of worked my ass off for months, made sacrifices, navigated setbacks, and showed up every single day. In my mind (and maybe only in my head) this phrase turns effort into luck… and that’s not the vibe.
What to say instead:
“Great work!”
“Damn, you killed it!”
“Such a hard-earned accomplishment.”
“Way to kick this goal’s ass!”
“I’m really impressed by the way you [something specifc].”
Coach Tony’s take:
Recognition is great, but don’t forget the grit. Replace casual congratulations with specific appreciation for someone’s effort. You’ll make a bigger impact and a deeper connection.
🏆 Phrase 2: “I’m proud of you”
Why it makes me cringe:
It sounds condescending… even when it’s meant with love. Like you are the judge, and they finally got your approval.
What to say instead:
“You should be so proud of yourself.”
“I hope you’re giving yourself credit for this.”
“I’m so excited for you!”
“Wow, great, inspiring work!”
Coach Tony’s take:
Be a mirror, not a parent. Help people own their pride instead of outsourcing it.
🍰 Phrase 3: “It’s just…”
Why it makes me cringe:
This phrase shows up in two equally frustrating ways.
First, it diminishes your own accomplishments:
“It’s just a short run.”
“It’s just five pounds.”
“It’s just a small step.”
Every time you say it, you’re shrinking something that matters. You’re telling your brain, this doesn’t count. And guess what? If you keep saying it doesn’t count, eventually, it won’t.
But there’s a second way this phrase sneaks in, and it’s just as dangerous.
“It’s just…” becomes a way to oversimplify complexity and dismiss expertise.
“It’s just a website.”
“It’s just a mindset thing.”
“It’s just project management.”
“It’s just [simple fix] and [big, complex, societal problem] will be resolved.”
No. No, it’s not.
It’s a shortcut phrase that underestimates the depth of work, thought, skill, and strategy behind real results. It’s how we end up trying to “hack” our way to goals that actually require growth.
What to say instead:
“I’m excited that I got some miles in today… every mile counts!”
“This was a big first step on the journey.”
“This is important to me.”
“This is where I’m focusing right now.”
“There’s more to this than meets the eye.”
“I’m going to do my research and do this right.”
“Let’s gut check our plan with an expert.”
Coach Tony’s take:
Don’t minimize your own progress or discount the complexity of meaningful work. Big or small, simple or nuanced, effort deserves respect. So do you.
🍩 Phrase 4: “Cheat day”
Why it makes me cringe:
This phrase ignores the secret to a happy life… balance.
Eating the cake, sleeping in or taking a rest day are not cheating, they are part of the journey. Most importantly, living a life of balance is the secret to lasting change.
What to say instead:
“Today I’m choosing foods I love.”
“I’m maintaining a healthy balance of diet, exercise, treats and everything else.”
“I can do whatever the f#*k I want to do… this is my life!”
Coach Tony’s take:
A happy life is one you don’t have to “cheat” on.
Stop “cheating” and focus on living a life of balance.
🤯 Phrase 5: “I’m just not good at…”
Why it makes me cringe:
This one hits hard because it sounds like self-awareness, but it’s actually self-sabotage.
Every time you say “I’m just not good at change” or “I’m not a disciplined person,” your brain takes that as truth.
What to say instead:
“I’m still figuring this out.”
“This is new for me, but I’m learning.”
“There’s nothing I can’t accomplish.”
Coach Tony’s take:
Your brain listens to the words you say about yourself. I’ve talked about this in other posts, but it’s always worth repeating.
Language isn’t just descriptive… it’s directive.
Telling your brain “I am bad at x” instructs your brain to look for evidence to support your claim… and that’s the lens you will start viewing life through. (see: Your Words Shape Your Reality: Why Self-Talk Matters More Than You Think)
If you say you can’t, you won’t.
But if you say you’re learning?
Now we’ve got movement.
Now we’ve got possibility.
Your words matter… choose wisely.
The words we use, especially the ones we say to ourselves, aren’t just filler. They’re fuel. They shape how we see our progress, how we respond to setbacks, and how boldly we show up for our goals.
You don’t have to get it perfect. You don’t have to rewrite your whole vocabulary overnight. But if you can start replacing just one limiting phrase with something more empowering, you’ll start to notice a shift. In your thoughts. In your momentum. In your belief.
The trick is setting a goal and showing up for yourself every day.
And if you want help doing that?
Cue: Project Manage Your Life.
It’s a complete, proven system to help you:
- Get clear on your goals
- Build a plan that fits your real life
- Learn to adjust when things go sideways
- Speak to yourself like someone who believes in your success
Here’s how to get started:
📘 Grab the Free PMYL eBook
Get the full six-step process I use with coaching clients… yours free, no strings attached. Grab your free ebook here.
📝 Dive deeper with the PMYL Workbook
Packed with coaching tools, reflection exercises, and guided planning resources to help you do the real work. Available in paperback or interactive PDF. Get the workbook here.
💬 Work with Me 1:1
Ready for personal support, accountability, and someone to help you untangle the “I can’t” language in your head? I’ve got a limited number of coaching spots available. Let’s talk. Reach out to learn more.
You’re already doing the hard part… you’re paying attention. Now let’s use that awareness to build something amazing.
✨ I believe in you; let me help YOU believe in you! ✨
Meet Coach Tony
Tony Weaver is a master life coach, technologist, consultant, writer, and founder of Operation Melt.
He helps project managers and other left-brained high-achievers pursue their biggest goals.
Through free resources, personalized coaching, and his proven Project Manage Your Life system, Tony empowers clients to move their dreams from “someday” to success — one step at a time.
Learn more about Project Manage Your Life, the system my clients and I use to crush our goals, at OperationMelt.com/PMYL/
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Meet Coach Tony