Sometimes you can do all the right things but get the wrong results. Why does this happen? It is because of the most controversial and scary fact about goal success. The important thing is not to let it turn you into a victim of the failure snowball.
Learn how to say “F It” and keep yourself committed to your plan in this week’s Goal Success by Choice.
Amuse Bouche
Before we get to today’s post, I offer you this light “amuse-bouche” to entertain your mind before we get down to business. Like any other amuse-bouche, you may hate my “dad joke,” but it is worth every penny that you paid for it, right?
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Control freak
Con…
Okay, now you said, “Control freak who?”
Goal Success by Choice
Do you have dreams that you are trying to make come true? Do you have a goal that you are trying to crush? Success doesn’t happen by chance. Success is a series of choices that can make you unstoppable. Goal Success by Choice helps you make these choices to move you closer to your goals.
Are you ready to help build a world where no goal dies of loneliness?
Doing The Right Things Delivered Wrong Results… “F” it!
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
The Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr
I wrote my first computer program during my first week of first grade. Going to an elementary school focused on math and science in Columbus, Ohio, I was very fortunate to have access to computers throughout my entire school career. Beyond school, we also always had computers in our home, starting with our original Timex Sinclair 1000.
Computers have always made sense to me. You give them very basic commands, and they do exactly what you expect every time. They are logical and predictable. If you know the right commands, you are in control. If this, then that.
Today, with smartphones, we all walk around with more powerful computers in our pockets than I ever had during my first thirty-plus years of technology. Nearly every one of us has constant access to technology throughout our lives.
This constant access to these devices over which we have complete control can skew how we look at other aspects of our lives. They give us an illusion of control that we may not really have in other, non-computer areas.
Rollercoaster … Of Weight
Throughout my weight loss journey, the formula for success was simple. It was logical.
If I consume fewer calories than I burn, if I create a daily calorie deficit, my body burns fat for a portion of its fuel, and I lose weight. It was computer-like predictability for a long time, but then it wasn’t.
For example, in 2021, I consumed roughly 966,000 calories of food and drink throughout the year or roughly 2654 calories per day. Then, through exercise and just basic biological functions, I burnt approximately 1.4 million calories or about 3870 calories per day.
My weight loss computer brain says that a 3000-calorie deficit should result in about one pound of fat being burnt and lost. So, in 2021, I should have lost 147 pounds.
I did NOT lose 147 pounds. In 2021, my weight actually increased by about 20 pounds.
Fast forward a couple of weeks and my one-week bout of COVID resulted in a 10-pound weight loss. I assure you I didn’t have the corresponding 30,000 calorie deficit that would have caused that. In fact, I took a whole week or more away from exercising.
Why did my body defy the numbers? Why was my weight going up when I was doing everything right that should cause it to go down? Why did my weight decrease when I stopped exercising?
Humans Are Not Computers
This situation reminds me of the reality check I got from Teresa, my personal trainer. Her important reminder:
“Humans are not computers!”
The factors that influence our weight aren’t always so straightforward. It is not always a simple, two-variable equation. There are other factors at play as we are very complicated machines.
Our bodies are very complex, and over-simplifying is a good way to drive ourselves crazy. It gives us an illusion of control in places where we actually don’t have it.
We think we are broken, over-stress ourselves, and undercut the joy in our lives. This is the opposite of the goal of self-improvement.
In my case, reducing the over-stressing and the over-exercising caused my body to let go of a significant amount of weight that it was holding just from inflammation. The rest of the weight increase that I have experienced is directly related to my increased strength and muscle definition. It is muscle mass. It is gym weight.
My weight gain is good; it is the kind of weight I want to put on. It is a sign that I am doing the right things. I needed to stop interpreting it as a setback or failure.
It Didn’t Go Right… F It!
When your results aren’t going your way, you have another option. You can just say “F It!”
Don’t worry, it isn’t what you think. “F It” is just shorthand for a three-point strategy you can adopt to respond when things don’t go as expected. The F stands for:
- Facts
- Forgiveness
- Focus
Let’s look at each one of these in more detail.
Facts
You are doing everything right but getting the wrong results. But is that really true?
When your results don’t go the way you’d hope, your first step is to check yourself. This means taking a quick look at the numbers to confirm that you did everything you were supposed to do. This includes trying to identify the cause if it is something that you can identify.
- Your weight went up instead of down. Did you consume fewer calories than you burned? Did you consume more sodium, have a hard workout or engage in some other unusual activity? If so, each could impact your weight.
- Your net worth went down compared to last month. Did you save more money than you spent? Was this the month you bought a car, house or other large purchase? Don’t forget to check your investments; maybe the market went down.
- You were doing everything in your power to kill it at work, but you got laid off instead? Is the company cutting expenses or restructuring? Are you making more money than they want to pay you (it happens)? Does the new boss have a friend she is bringing in?
No matter the result that went differently than you had expected, there are facts that you can examine. By starting with a review of the facts, you can confirm that you actually did all of the right things.
I do have one word of caution when you are checking your facts. In full disclosure, part of my intention in sharing this disclaimer is to remind myself of this fact.
Your weight, net worth, likes and salary are just numbers, and they don’t define you. These numbers, which will fluctuate over time, have nothing to do with your identity. As long as you are healthy, happy and safe, your numbers are not something that is “broken” about you.
Numbers are simply a tool for you to use, manage and work to improve.
Forgiveness
Once you finish checking the facts, you will have two possible outcomes. Either you did everything you should have done to get the results you wanted, or you didn’t. Pretty simple, right?
No matter the outcome of your fact-checking, the next step is the same. Forgive yourself.
Maybe you made a mistake and didn’t do what you should have done. Forgive yourself for the mistake, consider it a learning experience and move on. Don’t dwell on the past. Just commit not to make the same mistake today that you made yesterday.
Alternatively, maybe you did everything you should have done, but the results still weren’t what you had expected. Forgive the outcome, remind yourself that it happens and move on to try again today.
A little self-compassion can make a ton of difference and can stop the negative self-talk that may wreck your happiness. Remember how far you’ve already progressed in your life, and just keep moving forward.
One more quick addition, but I warn you that it is a little petty. Did your results go wrong because somebody screwed you over – very possible in the layoff example? Then it was clearly out of your control but was possibly within someone else’s control. In this case, “F Them!” That has two meanings, including the one you are thinking of right now. But, it also means that you should forgive them. Their actions are a reflection of them and not you, so don’t give them control of your happiness. Then it is time to move forward with your life.
Moving forward is what the third step in the “F It!” strategy is all about.
Focus
It is time to share a controversial perspective on goals and results. This one could get me in a lot of trouble with the business and self-improvement communities. But you won’t tell, right?
You do not control your results.
Ok, calm down. That isn’t as bad of a statement as it sounds.
You certainly have influence over your results, just not direct control.
Results are a function of your behaviors combined with thousands of other factors. This is why you can eat healthy with a calorie deficit and still gain weight. However, somebody else can eat whatever they want, never work out and still stay thin. Similarly, you can save a ton of money but see your net worth decrease because of a falling stock market.
Influencing your results requires you to focus on the one thing completely in your control: your effort. If you keep focused on your effort, the results will likely follow over time.
This means that we all have to watch out for the failure snowball. When your results go the wrong way, you get discouraged. Getting discouraged causes you to take your foot off the gas and relax your efforts. When that happens, your results get even worse, and the cycle repeats.
The failure snowball could mean that one unexpected negative result could cause you to totally give up your goal.
Instead of letting this happen, remind yourself why you are on this journey. Then focus on keeping your efforts on track.
You are a badass, and one bad result that you don’t control ain’t gonna bring you down! You got this, and I believe in you.
So What?
Sometimes you can do all the right things but get the wrong results. Why does this happen? It is because of the most controversial and scary fact about goal success. The important thing is not to let it turn you into a victim of the failure snowball. Instead, just say “F It” and keep yourself committed to your plan.
Do you need someone to help you with your “F It” strategy? I have been there myself and know how to avoid the failure snowball.
Click Here to learn more about my Operation Melt coaching services.
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