As you may know, I have switched to a biweekly cadence for publishing new blogs. On my “off” weeks, I will continue sharing some Best Of Operation Melt posts from the past (with a little sprucing up). My blog has a ton of spectacular content you might never have seen before, and it is just as relevant today.
Enjoy this Best Of Operation Melt blog, and stay tuned for a new post next week.
Are you ready for a dad joke?
I offer you this "dad joke" as a light "amuse-bouche" to entertain your mind before we get serious. My dad joke may be groan-worthy, but it's worth every penny you paid for it, right?
Which letter keeps pirates calm?
P. Without it, they are irate.
What Do You Do?
Picture being at a social event, let’s call it a networking happy hour with some people who you know and many others that you do not. It is a full room and people are trying to get to know each other.
Your friend Sally is talking to somebody you don’t know and she introduces him to you, we will call him John. John reaches out his hand, you introduce yourself and shake hands.
Just then, John asks you the question. That small talk question that we all hate.
“So, what do you do?”
Who Are You?
Beyond being kind of a boring small talk question, “What do you do?” has other risks associated with it.
We all know that John was just innocently trying to get to know you, so we have to give him the benefit of the doubt. But he just asked you a potentially dangerous question – a question tied with “How are you doing?” as one of the most dreaded small talk questions (see Dreaded Questions from 2/14/21).
Ok, In fairness, the question isn’t really dangerous at all. However, the way you choose to answer it can be positive for your mental health and your goal success, or it can hold you back.
By asking, “What do you do,” the questioner is asking you to share a portion of your identity, and he will reciprocate by sharing a portion of his identity. Instead of hearing the innocuous question as it was asked, think of John as just having asked a little different question.
“So, tell me who you are.”
It’s Tricky… Tricky, Tricky, Tricky
One of the top lessons I’ve learned from my transformational journey (and beyond) is that identity is a tricky concept.
If we live our lives as chameleons or define our identity based on our achievements, the roles we play in life or external measurements, we can find ourselves struggling to rediscover who we are when any of those things change (see My Mental Struggles – Part 1, 11/24/19). Investing time in getting to know our real selves pays huge dividends.
By answering “What do you do?” mindlessly and telling somebody that you are the senior director of nonsense at Acme Labs (which would be a pretty cool job title, right?), you are telling the other person that this is your identity – who you are, not just what you do.
An answer like this can inadvertently tie your identity as a person to your job. I know that is not what your intent was, and you weren’t even thinking of it in that way, but say this enough times, and you train your brain to believe it. This can cause many challenges.
Jobs Don’t Last Forever
Job changes happen. Sometimes by choice, but sometimes not.
Take it from me: You can walk into work one random Tuesday morning, and your company can tell you that your job has been eliminated. It is out of your control when this happens. (Though you can control it a bit, you can force losing your job if you really want to do so, but I don’t recommend it.)
If your job is your identity and suddenly comes to an end, then what? This is one reason that people have such emotional reactions to job losses and walk around lost for a little while.
You’re Bigger Than That
As I said above, the “What do you do?” question asks you to tell the other person who you are. If you just answer that you are the VP of nonsense at Acme Labs (yep, I just got promoted!), you aren’t telling the full story. You are downplaying the complexity, magic and specialness of who you are.
Our jobs are just one aspect of our lives. Yes, they are important. Yes, they are where we spend a big chunk of our time. Yes, they are an opportunity to make an impact on the world. But is your job the only thing you want to be known for in the world?
When somebody asks you to tell them who you are, tell them about the whole you.
Forgettable Story
When you have finished answering the “What do you do?” question, the other person is going to walk away with a story in their mind of who you are. Do I want that person to walk away just thinking that I am the manager of nonsense at Acme Labs (yep, that’s a lower title now, don’t ask, long story)?
The story you let the other person walk away with is important. When somebody only knows your job title, with few exceptions, you become pretty forgettable or risk being filed away in their brain as a tool for future needs. Their brain may even classify you as boring.
It is up to you to control this story. You have choices, and you have power here. If you tell your story, it will be hard for the other person to forget you.
Tell Your Story
How do you improve your “What do you do?” answer? You can tell your story!
Before going any further, I have an important reminder for you. Remember that there are no rules about how you have to answer the “What do you do?” question. As we talked about before (see You Don’t Need Permission, 2/21/21), you are the only person who needs to give yourself permission to change your answer. You are the only person whose permission you need to be different.
Take some time to brainstorm how you would like people to remember you. When somebody says, “Tell me who you are,” what details and messages do you want them to walk away with? What things do you do every day that you are proud of?
Use the list of items from your brainstorm to create your story. Craft a short, memorable story that reflects who you really are. Keep refining this story until you are happy with it -though you will keep refining it forever. Then, practice telling it so you are ready.
Finally, the next time somebody says, “So, what do you do,” confidently tell your story and be yourself!
While my story is still a little bit under construction, I will happily share it with you. When somebody asks me, “So Tony, what do you do?” the answer I am working on is:
I am on a mission to help individuals and businesses achieve their goals.
If they are intrigued, confused or want to know more about what this means. I will share some additional details.
- I do this as a consultant specializing in technology project management.
- I do this as a leader specializing in building and developing teams and growing talent.
- I do this as a coach who helps project managers and other left-brained high-achievers pursue and accomplish their biggest goals.
- I do this as a multi-published fiction and nonfiction writer specializing in goals and personal development at OperationMelt.com.
- I do this by sharing my journey to conquer obesity and continually improve as an amateur athlete.
While I tailor my message to each audience, that is my story. I am still working to deliver my story as confidently as I’d like; it just takes practice.
Would you like some help crafting your story? I would be honored to help you decide which details you want people to know about you and to refine your “What do you do?” story. I’m a certified life coach and have helped dozens of people rediscover and refine their identities. You don’t need permission, but you may benefit from some support. You don’t have to go it alone.
I believe in you; let me help YOU believe in you!
Meet Coach Tony
My name is Coach Tony, and I am a coach, author and project manager on a mission. I am working to build a world where no goal ever dies of loneliness.
I almost allowed one of my biggest life goals to die without ever being attempted for forty years. My goal almost died, not of failure but of loneliness. But, I took a risk and leveraged a simple, logical process that helped me wildly exceed my goal.
I transformed my life, and you can do the same with the help of Operation Melt.
Operation Melt provides engaging, practical content and hands-on coaching to inspire, motivate and equip project managers and other left-brained high-achievers to pursue and accomplish their biggest goals.
Breathe new life into your goals
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