Are you pursuing a big goal but holding on so tightly that you are squeezing the life out of it? If so, maybe it is time for you to start playing a little more relaxed. You will enjoy the journey a little more and stop sabotaging your results.
Learn more in this week’s Goal Success by Choice.
Amuse Bouche
Before we get to today’s post, I offer you this light “amuse-bouche” to entertain your mind before we get down to business. Like any other amuse-bouche, you may hate my “dad joke,” but it is worth every penny that you paid for it, right?
I’ll never forget the look on the cashier’s face when she scanned the packet of birdseed, and I asked her how long it takes the birds to grow after I plant them.
Goal Success by Choice
Do you have dreams that you are trying to make come true? Do you have a goal that you are trying to crush? Success doesn’t happen by chance. Success is a series of choices that can make you unstoppable. Goal Success by Choice helps you make these choices to move you closer to your goals.
Are you ready to help build a world where no goal dies of loneliness?
Trying Too Hard Might Be A Surprise Goal Killer
If you hold a bird too tightly, you’ll crush its wings.
Virginia C. Andrews
Here’s an experiment to try.
Turn your hand palm up, cup it and fill it with water. How much water can you hold in it? Is it hard to keep it from spilling out?
Now, close your hand and try to hold onto the water with all your might. It all comes spilling out, right?
The harder you try to hold onto the water, the less you can actually keep in your hand.
Careful With That Puppy, Lennie
This experiment is an analogy for life. If you press too hard, hold on too hard, focus too much, or try too hard, you might actually cause the opposite of your intended result. You can accidentally squeeze the life out of your goals.
Imagine being in a job you love and are good at, a job you certainly don’t want to lose. You focus every day on how not to lose the job. You hold back and don’t speak up because you don’t want to anger anybody. You don’t share your counter-culture ideas because you don’t want to rock the boat. Suddenly you have just become a “yes” person, and you are not contributing anything new to the environment. Do you think you will keep the job for long, or will it be like the water you tried to hold onto too hard?
Similarly, imagine setting a health goal to reduce your resting heart rate by getting healthier. You create a highly regimented plan of daily activities designed to help your health. You track everything. You say “no” to consuming anything that is the slightest bit unhealthy. Then you continually monitor and watch your heart rate using your wearable fitness tracker. Do you think the heart rate will go down? Probably not. You are putting so much extra stress on yourself that it will naturally increase your heart rate.
Finally, and perhaps most dangerously, what happens when you decide you will be happier if everybody likes you?
You’ll spend every day trying to be a people-pleaser. You try to compliment everybody, no matter if it is genuine or not. You hesitate to share your thoughts, hobbies and your interests with others. All conversations with people become one-sided, them sharing and you telling them how great they are. But, the result is that you aren’t really liked. People see through the shallow, non-genuine compliments and get bored with the one-sided relationship. The people-pleasing tactic you adopted to make people like you because you thought you would be happy will fail. Do you think you will actually be happy if you never get to be yourself?
More Isn’t Always More
I am not immune to squeezing my goals too tightly; it happens more often than I would care to admit. My high-achiever personality often results in a “more is more” point of view. Here’s an example.
As you likely know, I started my weight loss journey five years ago (see 5 Amazing Years Since I Decided To Change My Life). Since then, I have tracked and managed everything I have consumed and all my exercise. I succeeded with my weight loss by reducing my calorie consumption and increasing my calorie burn through exercise. Essentially, five years ago, I started living in a daily calorie deficit that resulted in losing weight for the eighteen months of my journey.
When my weight loss journey ended at the beginning of 2019, I planned to move into “maintenance mode.” Only, I didn’t really move into maintenance mode. I continued to maintain a significant calorie deficit through 2019 and into 2020. That’s when something else happened.
In March 2020, the pandemic hit the United States, and everything changed. I switched to work from home, meaning no morning prep or commute. I had fewer options for activities when everything was closed. My response was to exercise even more, which increased my average weekly calorie burn by about ten percent. Plus, I ate at home more, which decreased my weekly calorie intake.
Not only did I continue to maintain a calorie deficit into years four and five of my journey, but I amplified that deficit. But, more isn’t always more, and my results weren’t what I expected. Combining this long-term, increasing calorie deficit (which means overtraining and metabolic slowdown) with the increased cortisol levels introduced by COVID time stress, my body weight increased.
Two years later, I have kicked off a process called “reverse dieting.” My objective is to reset my metabolism to predictably get back to my target maintenance weight. I haven’t gained a lot of weight, and I will never be at risk of returning to my pre-weight loss self, but I am not where I want to be.
In many ways, choosing a “more is more” approach to maintaining my weight loss was just like squeezing the water tightly in my palm.
Playing Relaxed
So, what’s the answer? How do you keep from squeezing the life out of your goals? It turns out that you just need to NOT try so hard. As a college basketball fan, I will borrow a phrase from sports commentators.
In basketball (and other sports), there is a saying that somebody is “playing relaxed.” This means that they are approaching the game in a calm, laid-back manner but still performing well. They aren’t trying to force bad shots or dumb plays that end up harming, not helping their team.
Choosing to play relaxed is one of the keys to achieving your goals while still enjoying the journey.
This doesn’t mean you don’t work hard; that is still important. But maybe work hard at the things in your control while still doing the things that make you happy. Then don’t fret so much over the results. If you adopt the right behaviors, the results will follow in time. But a maniacal focus on them may actually slow your progress.
As I have learned the hard way, this also means being more deliberate about ensuring that you have rest days built into the process.
When interacting with people, you can speak your mind and voice opposing opinions while still being respectful and appreciating the other person’s point of view. This leads to respectful, spirited debate, which is far more interesting to others than when you are always playing Waylon Smithers to their Mr. Burns.
One of my key strategies for making your dreams come true is to enjoy the journey. There is already too much negativity and stress in the world; why add to it? If you can play relaxed as you pursue your goals instead of trying to squeeze the life out of them, you will reach the finish line faster and with a big smile on your face.
So What?
Are you pursuing a big goal but holding on so tightly that you are squeezing the life out of it? If so, maybe it is time for you to start playing a little more relaxed. You will enjoy the journey a little more and stop sabotaging your results.
Need a partner to help you design your new relaxed game? I have been there and am ready to share my experiences as your coach.
Click Here to learn more about my Operation Melt coaching services.
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